I have come to the conclusion that God created us certain ways that are unique so that He can flush out of us everything that is not of Him.
I came to this conclusion because of grief.
Over the past 4 years, I have had to deal with grief that comes through a broken relationship. The relationship was with some people that I love dearly, but some times people go through unexplained changes that leave you hurting and grieving.
At first, I went through “denial”. “This can’t really be happening. These are Godly people who taught me to love….so the problem must be with me.” I didn’t want to believe the truth concerning the changes in these people.
Then came “depression”. The realization that it was real, and the relationship was severed. Acknowledging that the people changed so radically that they wouldn’t “test the spirit” (1 John 4:1) to make sure it was really Ruach haKodesh…Holy Spirit….and it changed them.
Today I realized that I went through the “bargaining” stage. “I’ll apologize for everything…even though I didn’t do anything wrong…if you will love me again. I submit to you, and lie, because I miss you so much. I will say you were right and I was wrong because I need you.”
I have been going through what is called the “5 Stages of Grief“. The 5 stages of grief are also known as “The Kübler-Ross model, commonly known as the five stages of grief, was first introduced by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. It describes, in five discrete stages, a process by which people deal with grief and tragedy, especially when diagnosed with a terminal illness or catastrophic loss. In addition to this, her book brought mainstream awareness to the sensitivity required for better treatment of individuals who are dealing with a fatal disease.”
The 5 stages are:
- Denial – “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me.”
Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the individual. This feeling is generally replaced with heightened awareness of situations and individuals that will be left behind after death.
- Anger – “Why me? It’s not fair!”; “How can this happen to me?”; “Who is to blame?”
Once in the second stage, the individual recognizes that denial cannot continue. Because of anger, the person is very difficult to care for due to misplaced feelings of rage and envy. Any individual that symbolizes life or energy is subject to projected resentment and jealousy.
- Bargaining – “Just let me live to see my children graduate.”; “I’ll do anything for a few more years.”; “I will give my life savings if…”
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Usually, the negotiation for an extended life is made with a higher power in exchange for a reformed lifestyle. Psychologically, the individual is saying, “I understand I will die, but if I could just have more time…”
- Depression – “I’m so sad, why bother with anything?”; “I’m going to die… What’s the point?”; “I miss my loved one, why go on?”
During the fourth stage, the dying person begins to understand the certainty of death. Because of this, the individual may become silent, refuse visitors and spend much of the time crying and grieving. This process allows the dying person to disconnect oneself from things of love and affection. It is not recommended to attempt to cheer up an individual who is in this stage. It is an important time for grieving that must be processed.
- Acceptance – “It’s going to be okay.”; “I can’t fight it, I may as well prepare for it.”
In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with their mortality or that of their loved one.
The 5 stages can follow any order with acceptance as being the final stage….and it can take however long it needs to in order to work through the grief.
I am now moving from “bargaining” to “anger”. I actually realized that I was going through anger a few days because of some relationships God is building in my life. God is bringing people into my life that were also connected with the people that started all this in the first place. As I reconnect with these people, I see the cult-like mentality that was ingrained in us….and it makes me angry.
It makes me angry because we have an enemy who knows us very well….and knows what it will take to make people listen to his lies.
It makes me angry because these were good people…..but overly trusting of certain other people…and as a result they believed anything and everything coming out of certain mouths.
It makes me angry because of the wreckage it has caused in so many lives.
Yes, I have hit the “anger” stage…..but in realizing that I am walking out this process, I have to praise God. Grieving hurt, and God knows that. He know how He created each one of us, and He knows what caused the grief … and what it will take to heal us.
As I walk this path, God is there. He listens to my pain and He provides comfort that goes beyond words……and in that comfort, I can love even those who hurt me.
Matthew 5:43- 48 (NIV)
43“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
43“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. 43“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
